Friday, June 25, 2010

My Contradictory Beliefs about God

As I reflect on my beliefs, I notice a curious contradiction.  On one hand I feel that God must be good, loving and caring towards humans, and that he is certainly not cruel and vindictive.  On the other hand, I don't believe that God exists.  How can I have both of these beliefs at the same time?  How can I have any opinion on what God is like if I don't think he exists?   Perhaps examining these beliefs more carefully will reveal why.

My belief in the goodness of God comes from my childhood and youth. Presumably that is when many of my subconscious assumptions about the world formed.  It was a time filled with teaching about a good God that sacrificed his son for us.  I heard numerous stories and commentaries on this at home and at church.  Also I read many Christian novels, such as the Chronicles of Narnia, whose main point was to teach and illustrate the goodness of God and how we must have faith in this.  So I became imbued with this sense of God's goodness.  It is an emotional belief;  I simple feel that God is good.

My disbelief in God's existence came through a long and tortuous route.  This route was primarily intellectual; I sought to examine my beliefs and resolve contradictions and errors.  Some of it is described in my post on Losing my Faith.  Other aspects of this struggle are recorded in various posts of this blog, including the very first post, Is God Good?, in which my underlying belief in God's goodness is contradicted by what I find written in the Bible.  Here my intellect is in combat with my worldview.  In my mind I have decided that I will seek to believe only what is true, and I have discovered that some of my cherished beliefs have grave errors in them.  If I am to be honest with myself I cannot maintain beliefs that I have concluded are false.  And the chief belief that I have concluded is false is in the existence of God.  Hence I cannot believe in God's existence.

Despite my belief that God does not exist, I find him lurking in my subconscious.  Although I know what I ought to believe, like the Apostle Paul, I find my inner self at war with my mind.  My subconscious beliefs rise up and take me captive.  Who will set me free?  Well, not Jesus who set Paul free (Romans 7:21-25), but perhaps this blog?

5 comments:

  1. Cognitive Dissonance...this exactly where I am with my faith

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  2. When you seek to believe only what is true, if you added sincerity and Love low to you're faith in truth, you do not have to worry too much. You are on the right way. It's true, many would say this is pure atteism. It is not, is the Truth God faith. The only and only interpretation of the Bible, the word of God without contradictions. After a while, even I was doubt of the existence of God... I have only one litle problem... Who wrote the Bible thousents of years ago, and why all things mach perfect being interpretate with Truth?
    And why Truth is coming out in our generation? Why the deceptions and lies(truth conspiracy) are so monstruous and painful day by day.
    Must be that harvest time is approaching...
    So hurry!(Revelation 22:14)
    Fame, honor and glory to Jesus from Nazareth, nazarenos in nazara to Emeth.

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  3. Daniel, you are def. not the only one struggling in trying to accept or understand the Lord, the bible and illogical arguments that would throw any (normal) logical thinking person off. This blog nor the bible or any person you meet can set us (you) free. We will know the truth when we are six feet under the grave. In the time being, we must live our life as best possible. I think you are a pretty smart guy and should use your intelligence to make this world a better place. In any case, I think there is nothing worse than not being able to solve a problem because of some unknown limitation. For example, if God created everything (us) then who created God? Nobody has an answer to this. My point is that we can only understand what is of this earth. We cannot understand the supernatural. Thus, if we cannot understand the supernatural than how are we to understand God… is that why invented the story of Jesus (who knows). Btw, I know what I am writing is nothing new to you, but we must dig deeper and try to find new meaning, share ideas so that we may progress and temp. free our minds from the torment of not knowing. Your biggest problem is not knowing….the truth you seek that will hopefully set you free.

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  4. I don't wanna go into great detail but spirit atheism attack you. Just choose obey Lord and preach Nonstop and all other blocks will blow away

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  5. Honey, do like apostles commit to submit to Lord 24 7. Cuz demons r attack you Hon. Just bend freewill let Lord control you. It will be hard so be ready be persecuted 247

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